unscrupulousmaneater:

AKA 25 Signs He’s Just Not That Into You (and vice versa)…adding my two cents, per usual.

1. He won’t come to your place.-Whatever the reason may be.  Be wary.  The Golden Shower Boyfriend wouldn’t come to my place because he was (is) allergic to cats.  That should’ve been a red flag right there.  Who won’t come to my place because he said the house creeps him out.  I’ll buy him a night light.
2. He can’t seem to remember things you’ve said multiple times, like a big assignment at work, how much you want to see a certain movie, and that you don’t eat meat.  Helloooooo!  Are you listening to me?  No?  Ok, then I won’t be hanging around you for much longer…but we can bone one last time.  Kthxbai.
3. You get a gut feeling in your stomach that tells you he isn’t.  Duh.  LISTEN TO YOUR GUT!  ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS…intuition doesn’t lie!
4. He doesn’t seem to care or know what to do when you tell him your feelings are hurt. If you’re crying, he tells you to stop or doesn’t even acknowledge that you’re crying.  He’s mean!  Why date a meanie?
5. You get great news and he isn’t the first — or even second or third — person you think to call.  Same is true for bad news.
6. He’s hung up on his ex.  Stay far, far, far away from these dudes.  Seriously not worth the time or effort.
7. You need to refill your Xanax prescription before spending seven days in a row together on vacation.  Um, well, this doesn’t apply to me since I have to refill my meds to get through, uhm, life.  But yea, it makes sense.
8. He’s always “too busy” to make plans with you, working, playing Scrabble on his iPhone, watching sports with his buddies. There’s always something.  Hrm, on Tuesday I was busy telling Chambray how “busy” is just an excuse.  Excuses are about as worthless as the person who implores them.
9. He doesn’t seem that interested in meeting your friends. You have no interest in introducing him.  Obviously he’s not the one, or that into you, and you’re obviously not that into him.
10. You often find yourself making excuses for him. “Oh, he’s just being rude to you because he didn’t get 10 hours of sleep last night …”  Read #8…excuses, tsk tsk.
11. He ignores you when he brings you home to meet his parents.  Wait, why are you meeting his parents?  Haven’t you read 1-10?  Get it together!
12. The sex is amazing but it’s not enough to make you miss him when he’s not around.  This is a biggie, considering I lurve sex.  If I’m not missin’ it, I’m not hittin’ it.  That doesn’t make sense, but I liked the way it sounded.
13. He gives you some BS about fearing commitment or not being ready to be in a relationship. Side note: Guys, you need to think of another way to say this; it’s just getting annoying at this point.  Even if you say it another way, I’ll get the hint:  you just don’t want a commitment with ME!
14. He goes away to a foreign country for two weeks and you’re like “Send me a postcard — next!”  NEXT!
15. His face doesn’t light up when he sees you enter the room.  You should be the apple of his eye!  If he’s not lit up by your presence (unlike every other guy in the room), then you need to focus your attention on somebody IS paying attention to how beautiful and amazing you are.
16. He has no idea what you do for a living and doesn’t know how to pronounce/spell your last name.  Or your first name.
17. He says he wants to spend more than two days together a week and you cringe.  Isn’t this common sense?  If you’re not into him, then why are you with him, boo?
18. You watch him when he’s sleeping, but realize you’re grimacing instead of smiling.  Or realize you’d rather smother him.
19. You say “I love you” and are met by the sound of crickets chirping.  This is why I don’t say it first.
20. If you leave something minor at his place, like a piece of jewelry, he gives it back to you immediately the next time he sees you.  I am constantly leaving my things everywhere I go, I’ve been doing this since I was a small child.  It’s just what I do.  Yet, I’m always the one calling or texting things like “hey, did I leave my watch/earrings/bobby-pins/bra at your place?”  And “can I come by after work to pick those up?  Thanks!”
21. He rolls his eyes at you.  Well if you need a good eye rolling then maybe it’s not a bad thing.  I’m an eye roller.  The crazier the thing you said, the more dramatic the eye roll.  Boy or girl.
22. Instead of telling you why he’s upset, he punches walls, kicks door jambs, or storms out of the room.  Yea, violence is a deal breaker.  Though, I have thrown two remote controls and a bottle of water in my younger years (never AT somebody, just like, in their vicinity).
23. He tries to guilt-trip you into not using a condom time after time.  Please insist on using protection.  Seriously.  Insist.
24. He can’t put his cell phone down … even when you are on a romantic date.  I fucking hate this shit.  I hate it when boys do it.  I hate it when my friends do it.  Leave the phone ALONE!
25. You’re not all that excited to hear from him.  True dat.  I repeat:  then why are you with him, boo?